Last Saturday I experienced a beautiful psychedelic journey together with Marcel. What was my path here? I have a sensitivity for depression, and in spite of this sensitivity I have been able to achieve a lot, a lot of beautiful things that I haven’t been able to enjoy because of depression. My last episode was based on a gnawing feeling, something didn’t feel right. I started to focus on meaning. But also meaning could not comfort me when my love for life subconsciously flowed away and the depression increased in strength. I am now past the center of gravity of this episode, where therapy has helped alleviate the symptoms. What helped was the connection with my therapist, insight, and the new coping strategies I learned. But it didn’t completely get to the heart of the problem for me, namely the love of life. Where (psycho)therapy works on the level of ratio, psychedelic therapy works on the level of your soul. With this insight I started looking for something that could help me a step further, and that’s how I ended up with Marcel.
I’ve been reading up on psilocybin as a medication for the treatment of depression. Marcel uses a holistic approach, through healthy food, the right supplements and sufficient exercise, the best results are achieved during the trip. And this holistic approach worked well for me, eating healthier food in combination with the supplements already gave me a more vital feeling prior to the trip. During my psychotherapy I never paid attention to this, but it is really effective.
The approach of the trip was trip level 5, but in the end it became a trip level 3-4. Every body reacts differently to psilocybin and I have learned that my body needs a slightly higher dose to reach level 5. However, this did not detract from the trip, I have gained some nice insights from the process. It is literally a journey, first it slowly became more and more difficult to formulate thoughts, then it became more and more difficult to come to words and finally I came into contact with my unconscious. The genius is that your subconscious knows where your difficulties and wounds are, what needs attention and where the healing should take place. My subconscious brought me into contact with myself as a very small child, at a time when I was not yet saddled with thoughts, the feeling of having to, condemnation and punishment. As a very small me I was able to experience feelings of sorrow, relief, joy, wonder in a pure form, without words, without thoughts, without judgments. I couldn’t really remember that little me, that feels like life ago. The little me was happy and happy, outside, in nature, on the beach, in the playground, playing with his friends and sister. This little boy loved life, could also be sad, but could also be comforted, his feelings were adaptive and not stuck like in my depressions. This showed me a path that I now understand on a feeling level, a bliss in habituality, more being outside, more playing. A question I have been asking since the trip for the first time in my life: what does the tiny little me feel like? I don’t know exactly yet, but I’m going to pay a lot of attention to this in the time to come!
The contact with Marcel before and after the trip was very pleasant. I also found Marcel to be very knowledgeable as a trip coach. I felt safe during the trip, I was extremely vulnerable and this was taken care of by Marcel in soft hands. This unconditional positive approach was pleasant, it gave me the space to really turn inside out. Marcel assisted me when things got difficult for me during the trip and took good care of me. I am glad that we were able to make this trip together, thank you Marcel!